Adventures at ofuc
by Mystitat
Summary: CATS A short oneshot based on Ekwy's Official Fanfiction University: Cats. Also her birthday present!


**Adventures at OFUC**

**by Mystitat**

A/N: Happy Birthday, Ekwy! (And to everyone else: yes, I know I should be working on my two or three other stories, but I had to post this while it was still Ekwy's birthday! Or at least, while it was still Ekwy's birthday on my side of the world! Okay, so I'm five minutes late...give me a break!)  
And to whomever it was who said they wanted more of Mystitat's adventures, I was only too happy to oblige...

* * *

**Part one: There's a Cat in the Hole, and a Hole in the Ground**

"Guess what I just heard!" Jessedandle announced as she pounced into the TSE that Eclectica and Mystitat currently occupied.

Both the other Jellicle students looked up from schoolwork. "What did you just hear?" Eclectica asked.

"Well, you know how everything that gets typos in the fandom gets turned into something really bizarre here, right?" The other two nodded. "Well, there's a new one! It's called 'The Heaviside Lair.'"

"What is it?" Mystitat asked (she'd been known to make that typo before herself, but she usually corrected her typos before she published).

"It's a hole in the ground, and it's stuffed with pillows and blankets and things. The entrance to it is in the faculty lounge. They're trying to keep it really hush-hush, because it's really warm, and they want to be able to keep it all to themselves and not let the students into it!"

Eclectica frowned and cocked an eyebrow. "Then how do you know about it?"

"Well, it was right after lunch today. I was sort of late to Crossover Class with Coricopat and Tantomile, because I was the last one in line for the litter box -"

"Oh yeah! It was fried gammon and peas today!" Mystitat squealed in amusement, glad that she had missed lunch to work on her report for slash class.

"How did they get that, anyway?" Eclectica piped up. "I've never heard of it, let alone liked it." She stuck her tongue out, remembering the awful taste, and worse, the trip to the litterbox afterward. "Where'd they get a hold of it?"

Mystitat squealed, "Oh! I know! It is canon food! It was mentioned in one of TSE's original unpublished poems, and ALW was going to write it into the show, and he got the tune and everything, but it never worked, and -"

"Hey! What about me!" Jessedandle squealed. Both others turned their attention to her. "SO," she continued, "I was the last one out of the litter box, and I had to run past the faculty room to get to the classroom. But as I passed it, I heard them talking about all the new stuff, and I wanted to listen and see how many new mini-pollicles there were -"

"How many were there?" Mystitat interrupted.

"Eighteen. But I also heard about the Lair, and now we're the only ones who know about it!"

All three promptly emitted the high-pitched squeal that most proper CATS fangirls make.

"So _that's_ where Misto was all afternoon!" Mystitat squealed. "It was so weird today, because on Wednesdays after crossover class, he's _always _in one of the classrooms getting ready for his magic class on Thursday, but I couldn't find him today! And I _always_ know where I can find _my_ Misto!" She huggled Jessedandle. "You found my Misto for me!"

"My pleasure!" she squealed as she nuzzled back.

"So, how are we going to sneak in there?" Eclectica asked, not doubting for a moment that getting in there would be the plan. She was certain that Tugger, curious cat that he was, wouldn't be able to resist being in the Lair at least half the time (the other half he would be out, as per his usual persona).

"Hmm..." Mystitat muttered as she put a claw to her chin. "I wonder ... do you think we can dig into it?"

"Not from the faculty lounge!" Jessedandle screamed in her ear.

"Hey! Don't remind me! I don't like to hear about plans that didn't work!" Mystitat pouted. "Just be glad you weren't there, too. Though, do you think we can dig from somewhere else and still get in there?"

"Maybe. But it would have to be somewhere where the other fangirls can't see us," Eclectica offered.

Mystitat and Jessedandle agreed readily. They knew all too well how bad lust-object competitions could get at OFUC. It was lucky enough that the three friends all had different ones. "But where can we do it?" Jessedandle muttered. "Definitely not from the car. It's way too far. And I don't think I can dig very far anyway," she said, looking at her feline claws. They were fine for scratching, but not really designed for digging.

"Omigosh! I know!" Mystitat cried. "You know that really big junkpile right next to the faculty lounge that you just have to go around to get to everything else?" The others nodded. "Well, I climbed to the top of it the other day, because I was trying to see over the barrier that Misto put up to block off the classroom he was in, and when I got to the top, I found it was really a junk volcano!"

"What!" the other two chorused.

"It's a junk volcano! It's hollow in the middle. You can get to the ground. There's about a five-foot circle of open space. It's really close to the faculty lounge, and it's tall enough that no one would see us if we started digging in it..." she trailed off, so her friends could get the message. When they did, their eyes got really round, and all three went for another round of squealing.

* * *

"Be careful!" Mystitat called to Jessedandle as she attempted to descend the inside of the junk volcano. "You know you never land on your feet!" 

"Stop being such a Jennyanydots! I am NOT clumsy!" she called back. A moment later, she had fallen to the bottom, and was seeing stars.

"Told you," Mystitat muttered, and helped her to her feet. Jessedandle pouted.

"So now what?" Eclectica asked.

"We dig!" Mystitat cried, and got down on her paws and knees, scratching at the dirt with her claws. Five minutes later, she had dug about an inch. "This isn't going to work," she finally realized.

"Can we use this?" A shovel was thrust under Mystitat's nose.

She looked up at Eclectica, holding the shovel and smiling proudly. "Eclectica," she muttered slowly, "Where did you find that?"

"It was in the junk right there. I just pulled it out."

"When did you find it?"

"About five minutes ago." Both girls were trying to hold back giggles now. When they saw the look of annoyance on Mystitat's face, they both exploded into laughter. "You make the funniest faces!" Eclectica cried through giggles.

"Oh, ye of little faith," Mystitat grumbled. "Give me that!" She grabbed the shovel out of Eclectica's paws, earning a "mreow!" of surprise from the offended Jellicle, and promptly started work on their tunnel.

It took a week of digging in shifts, but soon enough, they thought they'd hit pay-dirt. "Get down here!" Jessedandle called, coming up from her digging shift to summon the other two. They scrambled down the tunnel after her.

"Listen," Jessedandle whispered. They listened. It was very faint, but all three could have sworn they heard Jellylorum and Asparagus chatting amicably of thises and thats. "I think we found it!" Jessedandle whispered again.

"I think you're right!" Mystitat said just as softly, so they wouldn't be heard by the Lair's current occupants. She pressed her ear to the dirt to get a better listen. Suddenly, her face took on a look of pure terror, and she frantically pointed toward the other end of the tunnel. The other two got the message, and once all three had scrambled up to the top, Mystitat uttered, "That was a close one!"

"What was it?" Eclectica asked, confused as to why they were forced to leave the tunnel.

"I think Ms. Minnaloushe is down there, too!" Mystitat panted.

Jessedandle looked at her funny. "How do you know?" she asked.

"I heard her sharpening her wings."

"It could be Kihr," Eclectica offered.

"Does that make him any less dangerous?" Mystitat asked.

"Oh." Jessedandle said. "So what are we going to do now?"

Mystitat thought for a moment, then said, "How about this: we listen and wait until they're all gone, then we dig right into the Lair. We'll cover up the opening, and then we'll be able to get in any time we please!"

It was agreed, and soon the three of them were huddled in the tunnel, their ears pressed against the dirt, listening for signs of life. When they were confident that no one was stirring inside the Lair, Mystitat gave the signal, and they started scratching away the dirt. It took a little while, but with all three working, they managed to scrape away quite a bit of the offending brown stuff.

When the thin layer of dirt was gone, all three stared at what they had uncovered. "Do you know what that is?" Jessedandle asked. Their entrance was blocked by a layer of green fuzzy fabric.

Eclectica scratched at it. "I don't know, but it sure is nice to scratch on!" she squealed.

Seeing the look of intense pleasure on Eclectica's face, Mystitat finally realized what the green thing was, and started giggling. "You guys," she said, "It's a couch!" Recognizing that a couch was indeed what Eclectica was scratching, they all burst into giggles that she had shown such a feline response to the upholstery. "Okay," Mystitat said when the giggles had subsided, "Push on three: One, two, three!"

They all pushed on the couch, and got it to scoot a foot forward into the room. Then they climbed in the hole and looked around to get their bearings. However, they found a bit more than they bargained for. On the other side of the large-ish room, asleep on a deep pile of cushions, was _the _Rum Tum Tugger, in person (or, I guess, in cat).

Eclectica immediately sprang for him, but Mystitat caught her by the waist, holding her where she was. This did not deter the squealing Tugger-fangirl, however, and she keep writhing, trying desperately to get to her lust object. "Jess, push back the couch!" Mystitat ordered in the smallest of whispers. Jessedandle did, and once she was sure that their tunnel could not be seen, Mystitat let go of Eclectica.

Once free, Eclectica leaped, in one great pounce landed directly on the fluffy maned cat, and immediately proceeded to nuzzle him. This brought him out of his slumber. "Bombs, I know last night was great, but you don't have to..." he trailed off as he caught sight of who was really nuzzling him. "Oh! Hello!" he muttered, eyes wide. He might have just gone with it (he was, after all, the biggest flirt on campus), if it had not been for him catching sight of Jessedandle and Mystitat on the other side of the room, smirking proudly at the fact that their plan had worked to a tee. "Hey, you guys aren't supposed to be in here!" he muttered, finally using his brain to think rather than ... other parts of his physiognomy.

Mystitat and Jessedandle exchanged a look, and shrugged. If they were going to get in trouble, they might as well make it worth it. Come on, how often did they get the chance to snuggle with a genuine Jellicle tom? They both pounced on Tugger, and among the three squealing fangirls, Tugger was unable to move, let alone call for help.

This would have gone on for quite a few hours, if it hadn't been for the arrival of another Jellicle. "What're you doing?" Alonzo cried out when he saw the huggle-fest in the Lair. "There aren't supposed to be students in here! Get out!"

Mystitat, seeing her number two lust object enter the room, detached herself from Tugger, leaving him to Jessedandle and Eclectica. Putting on her sexiest queen pout, she murmured, "We just wanted to play with Tugger, 'Lonzo! C'mon, you come play, too!"

"Oh no you don't!" he said, and grabbing her by the scruff of her neck, literally dragged her out of the Heaviside Lair up into the faculty area. When they got to the end of the tunnel there, the only one around was Ekwy. "Look who I found in the Lair!" Alonzo almost bellowed.

A look of surprise, accompanied by some aghast-ness, passed over Ekwy's face. "Mystitat! What were you doing in there!" she asked the Jellicle girl still dangling from Alonzo's paw. "Students aren't even supposed to know about the Lair!"

Mystitat smiled proudly. "Playing with Tugger!"

"And how, pray tell, did you get into the Lair without us seeing you?" Ekwy asked, more sternly this time.

"Not telling!"

Ekwy frowned, and put her hands on her hips. "You better tell!" she said, but Mystitat just shook her head proudly. "Fine," she said, "Just get out! I'll have Ms. Minnaloushe think of an appropriate punishment for you later."

"There are two more of them down there," Alonzo whispered to Ekwy as he set Mystitat down on the ground.

"More?" she cried, almost forgetting that Mystitat was there. "How did _three_ of them manage to sneak past -" Then she remembered who was standing there watching her, grinning madly at her success. "Alonzo, go get them out!" she cried, frustrated.

Once Mystitat, Jessedandle, and Eclectica had been sent back to their dorms, Alonzo plomped down on one of the cushions in the faculty lounge. Ekwy stared at him. "Aren't we going to tell Ms. Minn?" she asked him.

"Do you want to explain to her that we let three students sneak past us, get into the Heaviside Lair, and attack Tugger?"

"No."

"Then no."

* * *

"So did they figure out how we got in?" Jessedandle asked as they headed off toward their dorm. 

"Nope!" Mystitat cried in success.

"How long do you think until they figure it out?" Eclectica asked wryly.

"I'd give it a month."

* * *

**Part Two: A Party Fit for a Queen ... Or a Human**

"Ecks?"

Ekwy, relaxing in the empty library, looked up to see Mystitat in the entrance. "What're you doing?" the black and brown Jellicle asked as she came in and sat down.

Ekwy shrugged. She and Mystitat had been friends ever since Mystitat had helped her with the lesson plan for improving a CATS fansite. "Not much," she said. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

Ekwy shrugged again, and giggled a bit. "Gecka is _trying_ to be secretive again."

Mystitat raised her eyebrows. "Oh? About what?"

"She's trying to fix up a staff party for my birthday tomorrow."

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY ON SUNDAY!" Mystitat cried. Ekwy nodded. "Well, why didn't you tell anyone?"

"What would you have done?"

"I – well we -" Mystitat stuttered. Suddenly, she leaped up and ran out of the library.

"That was odd..." Ekwy muttered.

* * *

"Hear ye, hear ye!" Mystitat cried from atop her car dorm. Students started climbing out of their own dorms to hear her. "Are you guys enjoying your time at OFUC?" 

The answer was a resounding, "NO!"

Mystitat shuddered, taken aback. "Well, would you have rather lived in ignorance that your lust objects really existed!"

"NO!"

"Now we're getting somewhere!"

"Mystitat, what are you doing!" Jessedandle yelled up at her from the ground.

"Sh! I'm on a roll!" she called down. To the crowd assembled, she cried, "Well, do you know who really did the arrangements to bring you all here? It was Ekwy! And it's her birthday tomorrow! So what're we gonna do for her!"

"Give her a party!"

* * *

"Where are you taking me?" 

"You'll see!"

Ekwy raised an eyebrow in a smirk, but still let Mystitat lead her, blindfolded, into the main clearing of the junkyard on Sunday night. "Myst, really, can I open my eyes, now?" she asked.

Finally, Mystitat brought her to a stop, and she said, "Okay, you can open your eyes now!"

Ekwy tore off the blindfold and stared at the main clearing, her eyes wide in disbelief. The whole clearing had been covered with blinking twinkly lights, there was a whole table of food that looked like it had been prepared by Jennyanydots' cooking class, there was a _giant_ birthday cake, most of the canon Jellicles were there, and best of all, there were several dozen 8x11 boxes wrapped in pretty (or as pretty as you could get in a Junkyard) wrapping paper. Unable to contain her curiosity, Ekwy went to one on top and opened it. Inside was a printed manuscript, titled, "Electra's Fur and How It Came to Be Purple." She flipped through the pages, amazed that what she appeared to be holding was a brilliantly-written fanfic of decent length!

"There's one from every student," Mystitat said from behind her. "One in each box. And it's all goodfic. I checked."

Ekwy looked up at the moon and laughed. Trust a birthday party at the Official Fanfiction University: Cats to be the best one she'd ever had!


End file.
